you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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