tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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