I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
