I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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