genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
