im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
