About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my shit smells like andre
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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