Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
