my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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