so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
