I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
