I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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