he wants to bone in the snuggie
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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