Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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