I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
