I can text with my tongue
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
