note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
