I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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