Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
