I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
