Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
