I hate your face
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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