Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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