The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
