ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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