Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
