dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
this must be what syphilis tastes like
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
