I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
