just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
