Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
