just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
