eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
