it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
