Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
