I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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