I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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