Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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