you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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