A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
