Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
