My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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