She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
