I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
