You're a womanizer and a bitch.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
