the condom got lost in my hair
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
