How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
