when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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