she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
