And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
