Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
