Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
