i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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