Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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