i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
