I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
