No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
