I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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