Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
