We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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