are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
