we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
