the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
