At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
