When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
